Honesty

i begged to see your deepest and wildest

but even at the surface

i’m terrified

not for you

you are beautiful, my love

no truer words have i ever uttered

but

what if your depth does not include my ocean

and your wild not my body

you promise it does

but what if you do not have eyes yet to see so deeply

because you are so goddamn terrified to drown

we all are

i have been your buoy

tethering you to air

and you have been mine

for so long

what happens when we let go?

will the deep drown us?

or is this where our nirvana becomes

it sometimes feels so hard to breathe

with these regenerated lungs

this new way of breathing feels…

…something

what if i cannot withstand the pressurizing of my love of

who you are today?

what if i cannot manage this descent?

would it be worth it to know?

and do we dare submerge ourselves into mine?

or do we stop here

in this middle heaven

at least for now?

because in your deep

where i cannot see

it feels like i lose you

and right or wrong

i fear i will lose myself

but the truest beneath all the truths is

all i want

is all of you near me, close to me, inside me

every fiber

i cannot insulate myself from you

from all of you

i have survived a million deaths

but the death of any true part of you

is a death I do not wish to know

so into the unknown

with you

the most precious treasure of my existence cupped in my hands

i proceed

gingerly, slowly

alert with wonder

into your wild

into our wildernesses

to find what we find

because i love you

i love you

i fucking love you

the truth beneath all the truths