(Un)lovable

how do you love the unlovable?

when you’re…

hungover

overindulged

exhausted

overwhelmed

paralyzed

fragile

affected

angry 

hurt

sad

grieved

let down

unhinged

spinning

out of control

fixated

reckless

anxious

envious

bitter

unforgiving

too much

not enough

when you’re

last straw-ed

hail mary-ed

given up

how do you love in the midst of your unloving?

simply…

you just do

in a moment’s suspension

from the surging onslaught

of battering rams and 

quick flying arrows

you close your eyes

take a fucking deep breath

and then another

and another

you scream

you cry

you put your hand on your aching heart

over the dark gray storm of your mind

on the tornado of your body

you search for and swallow in

the drift of love’s cooling vapor

and

soften, soften, soften

soften under all the words

soften beneath the dedicated preserver of your body

soften until there is almost nothing

soften until your are left with only your stated, ragged breath

and you remind yourself

even this

this 

whatever this is

even this belongs

even this is good

for if i do not know my darkness

how could i possibly know my light?

and who said the light is the destination anyway?

the shadow of the light 

is a portion necessary 

to the integrity of my structure

so if it is a part of what is

what must be

what else can i do but accept it

and by the nature of acceptance

choose it

lest i be driven mad by my very own existence

so to love in my unloving

i simply

must

say yes 

to loving